she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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