im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize