I hate all girls vehemently.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
