So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
