I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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