I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
