my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
