Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
