you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
