his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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