I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
