i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
