Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
