I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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