she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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