Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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