I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
