Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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