he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
