bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
