I can't breathe out the right side of my face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I understand Curling. That high.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
