I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
