found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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