Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
