Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
