look no pants
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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