he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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