The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
