it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
