If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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