Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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