i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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