I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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