You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
