This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
