So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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