I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
