I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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