If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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