Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
