apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize