is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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