her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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