She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
