Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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