Your face is a jimmy john
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
