yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
