At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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