I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
