there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
