hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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