Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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