ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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