Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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