You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
