I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
