last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
