Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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