He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
