a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
