My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
