She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
