If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
