hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
