First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
